How Can He Fix It?

Here is a comment in Friday's NATIONAL ENQUIRER (forgive the TERRIBLE grammar) - -

"The Brown family is following the teachings of fundamentalist Mormonism, which is drawing heat from the Mormon Church, which disavowed the practice of polygamy in 120 years ago. The practice is also illegal in Utah, which has caused investigators there to looking into possible filing charges of felony bigamy against Brown. If that were to happen and he was found guilty, he could spend five years in prison. "

This got me to thinking about the whole rehabilitation process. Kody would spend five years in the Utah State Prison. His wives would visit him each week. They would write him letters, and TLC would film the wives and kids in his absence. Maybe the prison would let the cameramen film Kody in his striped jumpsuit. After the five (or 3.5 for good behavior) years were up, it would be time for Kody to return home to his loving family, fully rehabilitated.

I think I need your help as I try to figure out what happens next. I mean, the wives are loyal - I don't think they'd bolt that quickly. Only one of Tom Green's wives left. Perhaps Prosecutor Buhman (and maybe Davey Lefttit) would set up some kind of re-insertion program. Three of the wives would have to move to different states, and Kody would have to choose which one he wants to designate as the sole monogamous partner. Lehi police would have to put surveillance cameras in all the rooms of the house, in order to make sure that Kody has sex with only one person in a given year. God knows how we would split up all those cute kids.

Failing this, they would have to re-arrest Kody after two or three days, have a whole new trial, and put him away for another five years. This cycle would have to be repeated twice every decade until Kody dies, and he is no longer guilty of being a polygamist in his heart.

Another alternative would be to have Kody enroll in Boyd K. Packer's sexual de-programming/brainwashing course. This would make Kody be unable to fall in love with, or be attracted to, anyone but just one of the four ladies. After all, sexual attraction is inculcated by one's religion and upbringing. Polygamist churches raise children to love polygamously. Homosexual churches raise children to be homosexuals. This is why right-thinking governments must outlaw all but monogamous churches (and seize the property of all the others).

So how can Kody fix this terrible mess? Well, let's conduct a reader poll. Please cast your vote now as to which wife he should keep and which three he should dump.

A. Meri
B. Janelle
C. Christine
D. Robyn
E. All of the above
F. None of the above

If I can be serious (for about four seconds), it appears to me that the term of the prison sentence for religious polyga-bigamy must either be -

1. Life without parole (since rehabilitation never works) or -
2. No prison sentence at all.

This "five-year" concept is as chicken-s**t and disingenuous as the illustrious Church lawyers who codified it in the first place.

PROVE ME WRONG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hornets' Nest

Lehi police investigate ‘Sister Wives’ stars for bigamy

By Erin Alberty

The Salt Lake Tribune
Published Sep 27, 2010 06:41PM
Updated 2 minutes ago Updated Sep 27, 2010 07:00PM

Police have launched a bigamy investigation into the polygamous stars of a new reality TV series.

According to police, the investigation began several weeks ago, when TLC announced the creation of “Sister Wives,” a show featuring Lehi advertising salesman Kody Brown and his four wives, Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn Brown.

The show premiered Sunday.

TLC spokespeople said they had not learned of the investigation before being called by a Tribune reporter and had no further comment.
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Well, they've stirred up a hornets' nest now haven't they? Remains to be seen if the A.G. will opt for prosecution. I understand that 1,000 other polygamous families are preparing to turn themselves in for arrest for having "illegal" relationships (you know - like having a gay partner, etc.). Civil disobedience will get you everywhere.

Methinks the Mother-Corporate Church must have pulled this trigger. With its usually prudent P.R. decisions it did the very thing that will draw yet more attention to the benign TLC polygamy show.

Frankly, the way that the Browns represent their family, I almost wish I could become one of them. Their depiction of day-to-day polygamy is so gol'darned appealing that most mainstream LDS will likely defect as soon as they watch it. I can see it now . . . .

TEMPLE RECOMMEND INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

#1. Do you follow the Brethren without question and without hesitation?
#2. Do you report anyone you know who differs with any of the Brethren's recent pronouncements?
#3. Do you watch TLC's Sister-Wives polygamy reality show? - - (if so, go straight to hell, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, and leave your temple recommend on my desk).

GO KODY, GO TLC !!!

I just watched episode number one of TLC's new Sister Wives series. Thank-you, TLC, and thank-you, Brown family. For more intimate commentary from the Browns themselves, go to: The Polygamy File (at the Salt Lake Tribune)

This moment represents a tectonic shift in the world and for the future of bigotry. Most people shudder at the idea of polygamy, but they likely do not even know why. I suggest that it is because they have not the first clue what polygamy is. I have no idea what a monster or an alien is like, but I surely am afraid of both.

I defy anyone to harbor hatred for Kody and Meri and Janelle and Christine after watching their show. You may have no desire to become a polygamist, but you can NEVER NEVER NEVER again say that "there is no such thing as a 'happy polygamist'."

The elephant is in the middle of the room and he just farted. Can you smell it? Okay, I'll translate - -

If I have to hear one more idiot reporter chanting the "it's illegal" refrain, I will vomit. For a good example, read this channel 4 news report: "Sister Wives" Program Could Lead to Legal Trouble. If polygamy is so fricking illegal, then I'll expect Snortleff's SturmTruppen on Kody's Lehi doorstep tomorrow morning with five sets of handcuffs. You did it with Tom Green, didn't you? You showed the Greens' appearances on the Oprah show in the courtroom, didn't you? Green was charged (and convicted) with adult bigamy, wasn't he? (just like Rodney Holm!).

You can't have your bloody cake and eat it, too. Put up or shut up!

Your choice - start arresting or start decriminalizing (what Lawrence already decriminalized!)

I applaud Bill Medvecky for his wry observation that Jesus must needs be arrested (in any of the "50 States") for being married to all of those nuns.

Is polygamy illegal in the same way in which it is illegal for coaches to swear in public?

In Your Face

Today I saw on the news that the LDS Church is introducing a new PR campaign to help American subjects become more familiar with the Corporate Church and its members. The news anchor wondered if this effort was all geared around promoting Mitt Romney to be the next President (not of the Church, but of America).

I love D&C 101 because it contains an exquisite parable about the master of the vineyard who delegates some servants to occupy a watchtower and keep watch over the vineyard. After a season, the flaky servants lose track of the purpose of the watchtower and contemplate selling it. When the master comes back, he gets pretty wroth with those servants for neglecting their mandate and letting the enemy break in.

49. Might not this money be given to the exchangers? For there is no need of these things.
50. And while they were at variance one with another they became very slothful, and they hearkened not unto the commandments of their lord.
51. And the enemy came by night, and broke down the hedge; and the servants of the nobleman arose and were affrighted, and fled; and the enemy destroyed their works, and broke down the olive-trees.
52. Now, behold, the nobleman, the lord of the vineyard, called upon his servants, and said unto them, Why! what is the cause of this great evil?
53. Ought ye not to have done even as I commanded you, and—after ye had planted the vineyard, and built the hedge round about, and set watchmen upon the walls thereof—built the tower also, and set a watchman upon the tower, and watched for my vineyard, and not have fallen asleep, lest the enemy should come upon you?
54. And behold, the watchman upon the tower would have seen the enemy while he was yet afar off; and then ye could have made ready and kept the enemy from breaking down the hedge thereof, and saved my vineyard from the hands of the destroyer.

Where am I going with this? - - - well, the Church was given the fullness of the restored Gospel. After a season, it doubted the significance of the higher principles. It mortgaged the temples, changed the scriptures, diluted the doctrines and persecuted the stalwart and humble members who clung to the original precepts. Now the nobleman is soon to return, and He cannot be pleased. Does God need PR campaigns His works to fulfill?

The Church chafed over "Big Love" since it glamorized polygamists. This Sunday we'll see the pilot of TLC's "Sister Wives" series about the Kody Brown family. I quote Salt Lake Tribune's Vince Horiuchi:

"Likely, this is the kind of portrait of polygamy that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints hates. It’s a vision of plural marriage (which is illegal) that seemingly works in some cases and a reminder of a past the church wants to bury.

Yet if there is a reason to watch “Sister Wives,” it’s less for the drama in the household than for the charm and likability of the Brown family."

I have a vision of a large number of puffy men in dark blue suits in the great and spacious building (50 E. North Temple) popping blood vessels over this one. A couple of years ago, a Utah reporter went to Canada and photographed some of Winston Blackmore's children. The children were smiling, adorable, idyllic, endearing, charming and well-behaved. The reporter immediately received numerous stinging rebukes from readers who felt that it was simply intolerable for a newspaper to allow fundamentalist children to be presented in such a favorable light. I've read a number of blog commenters and noticed that they too are having unprecedented difficulty coming up with sane or sensible criticisms of TLC's polygamy reality show . . . .

"How can TLC stoop to present something so awful and so illegal?"
"Kody has awkward facial hair."
"They have to be on welfare."
"The women have big butts."
"Shame on TLC for putting this crap on TV!"
"The show is sleepy."
"We can't seem to stamp out this new and everlasting covenant."
"Isn't polygamy supposed to be illegal?"
"Polygamy is not a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints' history."
"Polygamists want the "right" to make polygamy mandatory in their society."
"The law's the law. These felons need to be arrested."
"Women in general are the victims of this system."
"Let's just call TLC 'THE WEIRDO CHANNEL'."
"This plural marriage is a direct abomination of God's love."
"I just don’t want to pay for all of this man’s children."
"This is the most outrageous show I've ever heard of... nobody will watch."
"All Mormons are republicans, so I guess this disgusting lifestyle is just fine with them."
"The other wives are nothing more than mistresses."
"Oh, UGH. These people make my skin crawl."

So, dear readers, I challenge you to come up with a better criticism of the "Sister Wives" series. Actually, no, don't bother - you can't. Polygamy might be uncommon, but it is no less normal (and sometimes boring) than monogamy.

Five cheers to the Browns for risking their normalcy to present a perfectly truthful view of a plural family; and, to the Church which so desperately yearns to distance itself from one of its core, founding doctrines, I say, "IN YOUR FACE!" "Try arguing with reality!!!"